Out Of The Box

2012-02-26T16:32:00.001-08:00

I found this note saved for a while on my laptop drive. It was written for more than 3 years ago I guess. I edited some of it and left the rest unchecked so that it would keep its flavor :)) As long as I am the only one who read this blog, I decided to give it a shot and share it with "Me" . Here it's:

I remember how much I disliked Engish and every thing related to it when I was young , especially that ugly question (complete the sentences ) :D May be because my father suddenly decided to study with me when I was in my fifth grade at elementary school!

I remember how he was lifting me and throwing me onto bed with all the strength he had, just because I didn`t finish the 100 sentences of this stupid book (bit by bit) , and how I was shaking before he comes home, knowing that he will ask me about the homework that he gave me which of course i didn`t finish.

Actually, my father doesn't get nervous easily but when it comes to studying English with me, he gets nervous soooo quickly.

So when I finished this year which was (shehada), my father left me in peace,studying English the way I want

After that I started to like it in high school, I think it was because of the teachers whom I was lucky to have; Mr Ahmed abdelwareth and Ms Gamila. When I was in the second year in high school, it was the year when I liked English the best.

I remember that we had only one day and a half before the English exam for the high school diploma, I was so tired in that day that I cried as I knew I wouldn`t finish studying and I'm not going to pass the exam the day after.That day my father talked to me and said " Allah would reward you for your work through the whole year, not just for a day and a half. Just do your best and Allah will be with you "

I remember sitting at the exam among all the girls (who used to rank since we were tiny kids) asking my self "Can I get the full mark in this English exam, among ppl like those around me"

& guess what..........I did it !!!
I got 25/25 in English exam in high school , it is true that I just got 23 the year after, BUT who cares......... it doesn't matter :P cuz I got 25 the year before :D

After that, we went to college and I forgot every single word I learnt from school because college is a whole new life, life with directions to everywhere and you decide which direction you want to go through.

I now remember how my passion to English came back to me, it was when "the open english day" was held in our college ,we were supposed to write a paragraph so that we will be chosen according to this paragraph. So i started writing and writing..........at this point I knew how bad my level became in English

When I was sitting with Aya, my friend before the beginning of the event ,we didn`t know what r we going to do or say but i remember that it wasn't hard for us to speak and we enjoyed it, although our instructor was speaking all the time :D that's why we left and continued our conversation alone. We kept talking and talking till we reached her home. It was a lovely day that I won't forget. Since then, I became mad about speaking English with every body till they get sick of it (of course not because of me :P)

And now i want to speak English like a native, with both american and british accents
I don't know why I want something like this & I doubt if I can make it, but............who knows?

2011-12-17T13:16:00.000-08:00

Governmental Institutions...Just Suck !

   Since I was young , I used to be self-dependent. I used to do ordinary -and extraordinary- day life tasks on my own while a lot of my friends till a very recent moment need their moms and dads to do simple tasks for them. This rule was easily broken when I have to deal with governmental institutions face to face by myself.

          I guess if I spent my whole life trying to figure out how this wholly crap organization is working, I wouldn't be able to get a hang of it. I can't imagine how they could stand this deadly bureaucracy. If you want to run an errand, you don't know who is the right person you should go to . Hell if you were lucky enough to know, don't be cheered up, as you should be prepared for "el 7alazona yama el el7alazona" trip. When you ask for what is supposed to be your "right", be polite, humble and humiliated if it takes to get your task done. I don't have to mention bribes or "wasta", god forbid. If a task to be finished in hours, it wouldn't harm if it lasted for a couple of months. Well, I can get their point here , they want to teach us patience in its very detailed literal meaning ; and not any kind, Job's patience !

          Every organization is like a great wall and every employee is an essential brick with a defined role in this great wall. Whenever the employee forget this role, he will be nothing but a big useless brick. No one should ever lose track of the big picture , in case there was any ! It's not about removing the prime minister or relocating some minsters any more , this whole organization should be taken off from the roots and rebuild again from the beginning

          When we were young, they taught us to be honest, straight forward persons in order to move forward in life. They mention nothing about dealing with governmental institutions as an exception. After a real life time experience, apparently this only works in fancy world. On the contrary, what was supposed to be wrong and no-no-don't-ever-do-that became a must-do to get the task done. I am proud of the pure principles I learnt before and I don't want to lose them, I am just afraid one day I will have to.

Randoms on a White Paper

2011-10-16T18:08:00.000-07:00

"ان الله لا يضيع اجر من أحسن عملا"

"ان مع العسر يسرا ,ان مع العسر يسرا "

"لو انكم تتوكلون على الله حق توكله , لرزقكم كما يرزق الطير , تغدو خماصا وتعود بطانا"

"وهو الذى ينزل الغيث من بعد ما قنطوا وينشر رحمته وهو الولى الحميد"

"لو بلغت همة احدكم الثريا لنالها"

"انا عند ظن عبدى بى , فليظن بى ما شاء "

"تفاءلوا بالخير تجدوه"

"الله اكبر.... ’فتحت فارس ...الله اكبر..... ’فتحت الروم"

After spending a bunch of time complaining and feeling lost and desperate , I began writing those words, after which I got some sort of relief.

حذارى من الكركم

2011-04-22T14:42:00.000-07:00

شوية عربى بأه .......امبارح كنت عاملة ماسك الكركم بزيت الزيتون , والكركم اجاركم الله , ما بييجى على شى الا وقام بالواجب وزيادة , المهم اللى حصل انى وانا بحطه على وشى نقطة منه وقعت على البلوزة بتاعه بيجامتى الجديدة , انا كان هيجرالى حاجة بجد لانى بحب البيجامة دى جدااااا , بس قلت دعاء المصيبة اللى هو "الحمد لله ,اللهم اجرنى فى مصيبتى هذه واخلفنى خيرا منها " وقلت هاغسلها حالا عشان البقعة تروح . المهم جربت معاها احسن ( واردأ) مساحيق الغسيل ...انها تروح ولا تتعتع من مكانها ! ابداااا . كنت هاعيط بجد عملت معاها كل حاجة ودى ثابتة على موقفها , قلت امرى لله باه ونشرتها زى ما هى وخلاص وبعدين بعد ما نشفت وانا بشيلها من على الحبل

guess what !

البقعة اختفت !!! فعلا مالهاش ولا اثر مع انى لما جيت نشرتها كانت موجودة زى ماهى , ودى يأكدلنا قول الاخ الفاضل اللى قال "مع

تايد للغسيل مفيش مستحيييييييييييل " ترررم

نتعلم ايه باه من كلام ستات البيوت الحامض ده ,هى حاجة جت فى دماغى اول لما شفت الحكاية دى , انه انا المفروض اعمل كل اللى عليا فى اى حاجة نويت اعملها بغض النظر عن النتايج . يعنى لو قررت امشى فى طريق ونويت عليه , ابدا اعمل كل اللى عليا فى حدود اللى اعرفه والنتيجة بعد كده تبقى بتاعة ربنا , ربنا هيحاسبنى على اللى فى ايدى وبس , ده غير انى هاكون مستريحة لان شعور ان الواحد عمل اللى عليه وبذل اقصى مجهوده لا يقدر بثمن

انا عارفه ان الموقف مش مستاهل كللل الكلام الكبير ده , بس دى كانت وجهة نظرى لما حصل

How things go ...

2011-04-13T07:28:00.000-07:00

   I've resigned from my job with my own free will , that's because it wasn't the job the I wanted to work . Despite of the good salary ,the greatest boss ever,the best work team and the amazing people I met there , I really don't want to work there any more .

   I have no idea what EXACTLY I do want ,but I will try to figure out , that's why I resigned from work , to try to think deeply , what is it that I want to do? how will I do it ? . All I know that , I am interested in Math and English ,I have no freakin idea what am I gonna do with them ,but I will just try to develop them as much as I can .

   I am also interested in healthy life style which include healthy eating ,sports ,walking ,...everything . So , I am now tryinn in those three things ,but hey ,a lot of the times I drop out my plans and put them aside because sometime s, I feel deep inside that ALL what I am tryinn to make is of no use at all and that I should pursue my life just like my family ,my friends and like any other ordinary person on earth , after all ,who I am ya3ny wla who am I goinn to be !!

   But no,I believe that Allah granted me with blessings that a lot of the people around me don't have , I have a lot of potential that I am gonna commit a suicide if I didnn bring it out , I just give up so quickly and I hate that . To get to what I want isn't something easy , for it needs Strong Will , Persistence and most of all , it needs HOPE .

   I want to get me out of the box um livin in , I want to expose myself to fresh air in order to be able to breathe ,again I have no idea how to do it or how to reach to what I want but I know that I have to work with ALL the things I know and do my very best and struggle as much as I can , and for sure ,sooner or later , I will get there .

My life is miserable

2011-03-30T12:54:00.000-07:00

   By this moment ,I will be practically trying to "blog" ,as so ,I will condone any mistakes at first ,as I am still learning ,right !

   Now ,The issue is ......My life .It's a big misery that I ,till now, couldn't figure out .I have now graduated from college .When I was in my educating process,there has been always a next year ,a next level that I have to finish to move on to the next one . And now,there is no next level.Instead,there is the WHOLE future in front of me . So after 22 years of my life ,I figured out that am not ready for that future

The upcoming list of my "Can'ts" might help clear my point :-

-I can't make one single decision .Because simply I didn't get used to ,every decision I have to make ,I always choose the easiest or the one I feel comfortable to .Just like that ,without any logical reasons that could make a sense
-I can't persist to accomplish a goal .Every time I dream of something ,I write the goal ,put a schedule and set a time plan for it , then....... I just give up and let the dreams fly away because I am not strong enough to persist
-I am lazy ,I can't wake up at the morning unless if I have an appointment with somebody ,I don't take care of my personal life ,I screwed my life and lose close people because of my carelessness
-I can't help my self with Facebook addiction and wasting my whole life browsing notifications and my friend's profiles .And I really can't find a big difference between Facebook addiction and drug addiction , because both lead to the same result ......losing your self
-I can't figure out what I want to do with my life . Sometimes I want to be an engineer,an inventor , a math scientist , a designer . Other times, I want to arrange journeys to the most amazing places in the world .While in reality ,I am just a pharmacist , and bad one
-I can't concentrate , that doesn't mean I am not able to , but I just let things easily disturb me and interrupt my thinking , which proves that I have no will... AT ALL
and the list is growing.....

   There is no way I tell my self to do something and my self corresponds positively . For instance , I like math, I downloaded lectures for great mathematicians , however , I rarely open them , and when I do , I tell myself let's put it off to the next day , and this leads us to the next "can't".....I can't do a job at its exact time , although I am "physically" able to , but I never met the deadline (unless there is a pressure) , I ALWAYS postpone my work to the next day , or may be the next month .

   I am not really sure if I CAN do something ,,,,oh yes , I can eat , drink and sleep , just like the animals

   After reading the first habit of "The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People" which was about Proactivity . I found that I am responsible for almost everything in my life , how I look like , what I work and who I am , the thing that added fuel to my fire . I have no objection on the principle itself , but it seems impossible to fix everything , as there is A LOT to be fixed

   I really hate my life and the way it is right now , I know I have to struggle for my beliefs and persist to achieve my goals but I don't have the will or be strong enough to fight .

   I feel sorry for myself , my life will be passing by without making use of the so many blessings Allah granted me with , I don't have the ability to get them out of me so I can see them , feel them and be alive .

2010-11-03T20:50:00.000-07:00

Finally,I did it :)
Now,I have my own Blogspot ,I have no idea what will I do but I'll write whatever pops up in my mind ,
yay....I feel extremely Exited :)